I am a young, well-educated, healthy woman, and I do not want to have my own children. I figured that my healthy eggs shouldn’t go to waste, and so looked into the possibility of donating them. I donated early in 2008. I was keen to meet the recipients, and was amazed at how my personality was just like a mix of the couple. They were similar in age to me, but she was born without ovaries, so had no chance of pregnancy on her own. It was a very special experience to meet them and get to know them during the process.
We keep in really good contact over the next week or two…until they found out that she didn’t get pregnant. That was really hard news for them and I was so disappointed and sad for them. I’m kind of sad that I have not heard from them since, but I have hope that the remaining egg will be a success for them. They have 18 months free storage, so it could be a while, or I might never hear from them again. I know I did all I could, and so did they. Despite this, in a small way I feel like I didn’t help at all…but I must remember that (at least for now) there is still hope for the other egg. I am soon to donate again, to another couple the clinic has found as a match for me.
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In 2001, my aunt asked me if I’d be interested in donating eggs so she
could have a child. I was about to turn 21, the age of consent for
these procedures, so it was perfect timing in a way. I didn’t hesitate
before saying yes. My aunt has always been like second mom to me, and
it made me sad to think she might never get a chance to mother a child
herself. She was in her 40s and had early menopause. She’d never
married. But with or without partner, I knew she’d make an incredible
mom.
In the summer of 01 I started taking hormones to prepare me for the
procedure. As it was explained to me, the hormones would cause my
ovaries to produce more ready-to-go eggs. This lasted for about a
month and involved shooting hormones into my thigh or butt. It was not
fun, by any means. The hormones caused me to become a bundle of nerves
and I felt bloated all the time. I remember showing up at my
internship at a weekly newspaper in Portland, OR, where I was living
at the time, and bursting into uncontrollable tears in front of
everyone for no reason. The arts editor gave me free tickets to a
movie and more or less told me to come back when I’d gotten control of
myself.
My aunt lived in California, and the week before I was going to donate
I went down to see her. I was so bloated I couldn’t run or go on a
bike ride. The day of the procedure went smoothly enough. They put me
under and used a syringe to basically suck out thet eggs from my
ovaries (again, this is not a technical description of what happened,
just my recollection of how they explained it to me). I was sour for a
few days after, but happy to not have to take the hormones any more.
A week later my aunt found out that she had breast cancer. The implant
didn’t stick the first time and she didn’t want to try again knowing
she had cancer. So, the story ends very sadly.
I wish I could at least say that the whole process brought my aunt and
me closer, but I don’t think it did. I think I felt a lack of
appreciation on her part at the time, and then she also probably
sensed some judgment on my part. My aunt has always been very
overweight, and I didn’t think it was responsible for her to have a
child without really trying to get control of her own health first. My
role as the donor was confusing. I wasn’t quite mature enough to know
how to make a sacrifice without wanting something in
return–specifically, some kind of say in how my aunt lived her life.
Of course, I didn’t think of it in those terms at the time. I was too
much an emotional wreck with all the hormones.
Conversely, I don’t think it negatively impacted our relationship in
the long run. And I would do it again in a heartbeat. I can’t imagine
saying no, in fact. I will say, I can’t imagine donating eggs for
money. It’s too much of an emotional investment. But it depends what
it means to you. To me, it’s more than just genetic material. But to
others, it may be more like giving blood, and not have any special
significance. I would think it’d be important to really know what
significance it has before donating. And to expect that it really is a
sacrifice, emotionally and physically. On the other hand, I can’t
imagine a more precious gift that you could give to someone.
